Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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