I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
