that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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