u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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