i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
