I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
50% drunk capacity currently
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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