I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
