The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
