genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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