Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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