I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
