Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
