Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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