You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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