Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They took my balls.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
