I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
