Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
