the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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