6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
