Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
