thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize