saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
