What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
