Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
