Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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