if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
