he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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