first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
