So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
