Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
