I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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