I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
