I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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