haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
