a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
