come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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