you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My bed smells like the plague
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
