Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
