bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
