legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
