I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
