Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
