I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
