shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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