I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
