We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
