What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
