Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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