that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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