so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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