Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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