I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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