Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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