i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
