Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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