that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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