i just google imaged poop.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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