i would punch a child for taco bell
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
