he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
