And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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