But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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