she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
