I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
