I've blown a few things in my day
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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