downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
