Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
