ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
