You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
