Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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