Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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