i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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