Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
