On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
