Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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