I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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