he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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