I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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