I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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