so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found puke in my bra..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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