Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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