ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
