bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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