Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
