Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my shit smells like andre
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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